Life Balanced

Don’t you hate it when people interrupt you and finish your sentences? How about when they’re only half-listening because they’re planning what they want to say next? I’m going to be upfront and tell you that I have committed these sins and more when it comes to listening or more accurately, not listening.

A few years ago, I got a bad case of laryngitis and was forced to stop speaking for 3-4 days, and subsequently listen more. As tough as it was, I came to a few realizations:

• We could speak half as many words and still get the same point across
• People in general seem to interrupt each other constantly
• I must really love the sound of my voice, because I use it much more than necessary!

According to a study conducted by the University of Arizona, people speak 16,000 words a day on average. I’ve never counted the number of words I say during the course of the day, but I’m guessing I exceed the average, which led me to write this post. Here are my tips for bringing down the word count and becoming a better listener:

1. Ask questions - Before chiming in, make a habit of asking three questions first. This gives the other person a chance to speak and the opportunity for you to find out something new about them.
2. Don’t interrupt - Wait until the other person has finished speaking completely before you begin your discourse statement.
3. Try not saying anything until asked - Your turn will come…eventually.
4. Note what percentage of time you are speaking versus listening - Is it 80/20 or 50/50? If you are constantly speaking 80 percent of the time, you either have very quiet friends or they have given up because they can’t get a word in edgewise.
5. Quality versus quantity - In my job I edit a lot of articles/materials and will sometimes ask people to cut their written documents by a third so that the message doesn’t get lost in a lot of verbiage. You can cut your own words back by a third and still get your message across…and people will actually listen more.
6. Concentrate on what the other person is saying - Do you know people who never seem to remember anything you tell them? Most likely they have a good memory, but they aren’t taking the time to really listen to what you have to say. Listening takes a lot of effort.
7. Get used to silence - Many people are uncomfortable with silent pauses and will instead ramble on about nothing or something they didn’t intend to share. Silence between two people can be very comforting.
8. Make eye contact with the person who is speaking - This shows the person you are really listening and helps you concentrate on what they are saying.
9. Be open-minded - Often times people don’t want to listen to someone if they don’t agree with them. Making the attempt to understand someone else’s point of view will go miles in building and enhancing relationships.
10. Give verbal and non-verbal signals that you are listening - Don’t forget to nod your head and say “I see” every once in while so that they know you are engaged.
11. Don’t multi-task - Give someone your undivided attention. There aren’t many things more irritating than when you are trying to speak with someone and they are working on the computer, watching TV and only half listening because they are distracted.
12. Take notes - Although most applicable for business and education, taking notes forces you to listen, and the act of writing it down reinforces the likelihood that you will remember what was said. You can also write down questions/points you’d like to bring up after they are finished speaking. Another big benefit is that you can go back and reference later.

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